Saturday, January 30, 2010

The Ultrasound

So far pregnancy hasn’t really been my favorite thing I’ve ever done. I constantly have gas, indigestion abdominal cramps, migraines, breast pain, bloating, chronic mood swings, joint pain, severe fatigue, nausea and vomiting, as well as the new realization that I have the smallest bladder on the planet! I mean pretty much any ideas I had of enjoying this are out the window. And as everyone keeps reminding me, pregnancy is the easy part. Up until yesterday every time I heard that I would begin to get nervous. I mean if I can’t handle these symptoms, what kind of mother would I be? I have been going back and forth on this. I am so nervous to be a mom. Its also hard to feel warm and gushy feelings when your baby is constantly making you sick! This is where my mind was at until yesterday…

Yesterday I was feeling severe abdominal cramps and back pain. I tried everything I could to get them to go away, but nothing worked. So I finally called the doctor after-hours hotline, and they told me to go to the hospital. I tried to argue, but it was no use I knew I had to go. I hate going to the hospital ( I know, I know, no one likes going to the hospital). For me, while I’m there I start to feel guilty, like my ailment isn’t that bad compared to a gunshot wound, a woman in labor, a little kid with a fever, or even a broken arm. So basically I kept down playing my pain, Erik read through it, and within 20 min I was on my way to the hospital.

When we arrived the doctor immediately began testing. Quickly the doctor asked if we had ever had an ultrasound. Erik and I exchanged a quick glance, and trying to hide my excitement (I’m supposed to be in pain, remember?) I said no. And we were off to ultrasound! Once the gross cold goop was on my belly, I was immediately captured by the black and white screen on my right. There on the screen, was my little baby. For the first time I got to see the new light of my life. My heart started racing and I was holding my breath as the screen showed the baby’s tiny fingers, tummy, heart, tiny face and legs. I got to see the baby moving around and kicking me (even though I couldn’t feel it). It was by far one of the most exciting moments of my life. The ultrasound tech spoke. Breaking me out of my dreamland, she said, “do you want to know the gender?” For some reason I wasn’t expecting this. I mean we have an appointment for the official ultrasound in 3 weeks. That is when I was prepared to find out…In unison Erik and I both said “YES!!” And the tech moved her magic wand around on my stomach a little bit and said, “Congratulations you’re having a girl!.” A girl!! A girl!! Can you believe it?

And as the tears were streaming down my cheeks, I had a change of heart. I can do this. I can raise this little girl. In that moment, I knew I would do anything for her. I suddenly forgot about how sick I’ve been and just finally thought about our little girl. None of this is about me. Its about her. Its about getting to see her grow up, helping raising a good woman, watching her live out her dreams. Its about being blessed enough to be apart of the journey she’s going to go on. I feel like the luckiest woman in the world. I know that I will have my moments of doubt, sheer terror, and mistakes, but I’m ready. I’m ready for it all…

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Babies R Us...

Our time is coming to a close here in Colorado. It’s a bittersweet feeling…I mean on one hand I am so excited to go home and be with my friends and family. I am excited to be back in a place that Erik and I were so happy in. At the same time, I’m not ready to leave yet. This has been such a good growing experience for us. We have truly enjoyed our time here with Erik’s family and friends. So we both are feeling a little sad. However before we go one of Erik’s family friends have offered to throw us a baby shower! I was so elated I immediately started on my registry. When I was imagining what making a registry would be like, I imagined simplicity, cute tiny clothes…kind of a no stress situation. What I got was something completely different.

I realize that babies require a lot of things and I thought I was ready for that but maybe not…In actuality they need more things than I thought. I mean I was looking at things I didn’t even know existed for a baby. At first I tried doing it on my own. I was so overwhelmed by all the choices and all the decisions I needed to make right then. I mean I have never in my life had to have so much conversation about breast feeding. I was talking to the lady in the store, I called my mom and my sister, and finally had to call my best friend (who has a baby of her own and is expecting her second child). I really don’t want to think about breast pads, breast pumps, bottle sizes, etc. Babies R Us is soo overwhelming for a first time mommy. I mean wow…what is all that stuff. I literally needed a tour guide. I mean how do you know if the bottles you picked are the best? How do you for sure that the diaper bag you picked is going to be big enough? How do I know the stroller will be comfortable enough for the baby? And how do I know if I’m just picking out stuff they tell me I need, but actually its just a way for me to spend more money? I have never had to think so much while shopping in my life!

I finally had to give up doing it on my own, and I brought in reinforcements. My best friend came in to save the day. So she went with me through each aisle and explained the thousands of options I had. She was honest about what you use during your baby’s first year and what you don’t. I had a few times of panic but by the end of the day I was actually having fun. I learned so much, it was wonderful. Then I got to go over the list with Erik and share my new knowledge with him. I really like the things I picked out and so does Erik.

And so I’m excited to announce that we officially have a baby registry!

Thursday, January 14, 2010

2nd Trimester

I am officially 2 weeks into my second trimester! This was supposed to be a trimester of hope, a trimester of new-found energy, a trimester where I don't want to throw up every time people mention food. However, no such luck thus far. My second trimester feels identical to the first. I am still beyond tired, I constantly feel like I am on a sleeping pill, (Part of me is wondering if Erik is drugging my food : ) ), I still am getting really bad headaches all day everyday, and to make matters worse I have dry mouth like I drank the Sahara Desert.

But even though I still feel like crap, I am finally getting a belly to show for it all! My pants don't fit, and I have a little pooch that sticks out in my shirt. Erik thinks that its super cute, I think it kind of looks like I had a really big meal! But it is sooo exciting to know there is a baby in there and that this week it is the size of a softball! How far our baby has come.

I have officially made the ultrasound appointment. On Feb 19th we will know if we are having a boy or a girl! Most of our friends and family think that we are having a boy. To be honest Erik and I don't care what it is as long as its healthy!

Another up side to this trimester is the cravings have started to set in. This week I have craved and successfully kept down the following: buffalo shrimp (extra hot ), a potato burrito, brownies, spaghetti o's, 1 gallon of lemon aid, a jar of green olives, 4 grape fruit, mint chocolate chip ice cream, and enough grilled cheese to last a life time. Looking at this list is currently making me sick, but at the time each and every item was beyond good!

I still have hope that I will start to feel better soon. Cause at this point I feel like I am sleeping my life away...

Sunday, January 3, 2010

We are Flintstones Kids...

In the past month every time I take my prenatal vitamin I throw up. I have asked several people what they did when that happened. Some women told me to take it at night, some in the morning, some with food, some without food, some said to take half in the morning and half and night, and some said they didn't even take prenatal vitamins. I tried EVERYTHING. Usually within 5-10 min of taking my vitamins I would throw up! I mean projectile vomit (I know, really pleasant). Finally I was defeated. I broke down crying one night, because I felt like I wasn't being a good mom. Now I know this sounds a little dramatic...but you know... hormones. Anyway, I felt like right now my one job as a mother is to provide vitamins and healthy foods for my child, and I couldn't even take a vitamin. So I called my older sister and cried to her on the phone. After she picked me up off the ground and stroked my ego a few times, she suggested Flintstones Vitamins!
Ah, Flintstones. Do you remember those? It never really felt like eating a vitamin, it felt like my mom was voluntarily giving me the MORNING! They were my friends. All the characters were there; Betty, Fred, Wilma, Barney, and who could forget Bam Bam and Pebbles. Yes, when my sister mentioned this, the 5 year old inside of me jumped for joy! However, the mature adult (who comes out on a rare occasion) asked will my baby be getting what it needs? So my sister and I did a lot of research and found that Flintstones are a great vitamin, for all ages. Granted, it doesn't have enough of a few things, it really does cover most of the bases I need.
When I first opened my new bottle of Flintstones Vitamins, I was worried this wouldn't work. I had run out of hope/ideas, I was at a loss. Then I took my first vitamin (I believe it was Wilma) and I waited. 5 min went by...nothing. 10 min went by...still nothing. And after 15 min of not throwing up, I knew I was safe. I had won this battle against morning sickness. I was the victor!
I am now once again proud to say, I am a Flintstones Kid!