Midnight Feeding

Ellie is smart. She knows that if she screams loud enough at midnight, her father and I will give her pretty much whatever she wants, so we can go back to sleep. Ellie's pediatrician says we need to wean her off of her midnight feeding. This has been a BIG challenge. He says to let her cry it out for about 15 min, we can pick her up, change her diaper...just don't feed her. However when REM sleep is interrupted by a blood curdling scream, you want to do whatever you can to make it stop.
Because we are having such a difficult time we are going to sleep in the living room and let Ellie have our room. Perhaps it won't be so bad to let her cry it out if we are in a different room.

Wish us luck

Time

I can't believe that I haven't written in so long. I feel like time has just slipped right by me. So in order to give an update, I thought I would just write out some of the highlights of what is going on...

-Bedtime has been conquered! Ellie is always ready for bed on time! Its amazing to have quiet time in the evenings.

-However, we have not conquered sleeping through the night or naps. Ellie still wakes up 1-2 times during the night for a feeding. The doctor says we need to started weaning her out of this over the next month or so...we are not looking forward to this. And Ellie still is having a hard time with naps, but we're working on it

-Ellie is officially on solids! She has been eating rice cereal for a while, but we started giving her sweet potatoes a few days ago, and she loved them! Next, carrots!

- God is testing us. We are definitely having to rely on Him and trust in His plan, but we know He has one.

-We are going home to Colorado for Christmas in 2 weeks! We are so excited to see family and friends. We miss the mountains and the nice clean air.

-And finally here is a new pic of Ellie

Bed Time Blues: Day 3 and 4

Day 3: This was the night that I had to put Ellie down by myself. Erik was working that night and I was not looking forward to it. 7pm rolled around, I gave Ellie a bath, fed her, and read her two books. She still seemed pretty awake so we danced in the living room to N'SYNC (don't judge me). After that I put her down...and she was asleep within 15 min! She barely cried...it was a miracle! I was so thankful and she slept for 12 hours that night.

Day 4: Last night was a little different from the night before. Erik and I did our usual night routine with her. I think she is starting to read the signs that its bed time. She immediately started crying when we took her to the bedroom. We tried calming her down but it just wasn't happening. Finally she got quiet enough and we put her down. Quickly Erik and I ran out of the room, and she fussed a bit but finally she fell asleep.

Dealing with the crying is starting to get a little better, but I still don't like it. However since we started this Ellie doesn't wake up as often as she used to. So I know this is good for her and I'm glad we're doing it. Doctor Andy said it would take 5-7 days to make this a habit for Ellie so we only have a few more days!

Bed Time Blues: Day 2

On Sundays Erik and I usually go to church and then spend the rest of the day with my family. My sister and her husband come over and we all play games, have dinner, talk, and laugh a lot; it's kind of like a mini Thanksgiving every week! At any rate, yesterday we knew we had to go home early so we could get ready for our second day of sleep training.

We gave Ellie a bath and fed her. She still seemed pretty wide awake so we read her a book and sang her a song. She seemed really fussy and we realized that she just wanted us to put her down. As soon as we put her down, she fell asleep...as if that's what she was waiting for! Thank goodness, because I don't if I could have handle another night with the screaming.

Tonight however I am on my own with the sleep training. Erik is working tonight. I hope I can do this.

Bed Time Blues: Day One

Erik and I recently changed pediatricians. We are now going to my doctor I saw as a child. We love him! He really listened to us, he fell in love with Eliana, and he gave good advice! Pretty much we made a good decision to change doctors. One of the things he gave us advice on was Ellie's nighttime routine. If you remember I wrote recently about trying to put Ellie down before she falls asleep, and I mentioned how horrible it is to hear her fuss. Well apparently, we still weren't doing this whole bedtime thing right. He said that we needed to feed her, change her diaper, and read her a story...all without letting her fall asleep. Then you put her down (unswaddled, I might add!)and come in and comfort her after 5 min, 10 min, and then every 15 min for about an hour and a half. He said it would take about 5 days for her to get used to this routine, but in no more than a week...she would be putting herself to sleep. At first this sounded easy enough. Erik and I decided that tonight was the night...

We fed Ellie her last feeding, changed her diaper, read her a story, and sang her a song, and just as the doctor ordered we put her down unswaddled and wide awake. At first Ellie was fine. She was talking to herself and making gurgling noises. All of a sudden as if she realized what we were doing she started to yell. Like the chicken I am, I ran out of the room crying while I left my hubby to fend for himself. I know you all are probably shaking your head at me as you read this, but it was just too much. I am used to picking her up as soon as she gets upset and holding her till she falls into a coma like sleep. I know that I have to grow out of this, but it's just soo hard. At any rate, we listened for 5 min while Ellie yelled and threw a fit. Then I went in first and cuddled her and kissed her and when she calmed down I put her back down. This time we waited 10 min, while Ellie yelled and pretty much screamed bloody murder. I sat in the living room crying and praying that I could make it through these few min. This time it was Erik's turn to comfort Ellie (also I didn't think I would be able to put her down if I went in there). Erik picked her up comforted her and put her down, and this time she fell right to sleep. Thank you God! Seriously, I didn't know if could do the next 15 minute interval.

This was not a fun experience, and right now I don't really like Ellie's doctor :) However tomorrow night is night numero dos...hopefully it will only get easier with time. Pray for me!

Wet the Bed

Well I knew putting Ellie in the bed with me would come back and bite me in butt. I imagined that Ellie would 16 still sleeping in the bed with us, unable to be independent. She would live with us forever and use us as a security blanket. I thought I had years before I saw the effects...that is until this morning.

As usual Erik left for work around 6:15 am and as soon as I heard the door close, I tipped toed across the room and grabbed Ellie and brought her in bed with me. She smells so good and I love to snuggle her. (I realize I sound like a nut-job but I just love her soo much!) At any rate, there we were sleeping peacefully when I felt a warm spot pool over to my side. I knew what it was, but I didn't want it to be true. I looked at Ellie and she was awake (I'm sure because she felt the same warm spot) and smiling at me. I couldn't believe she wet the bed!

Now I am sitting here, listening to the washing machine clean my urine soaked sheets, and I am hoping that I have learned my lesson. We shall see

Don't Let The Bed Bugs Bite

Confession: I am totally addicted to holding Ellie, and unfortunately she is addicted to being held. So when it finally came down to being a tad more disciplined with her sleeping habits, I just couldn't do it.

Ellie is almost 4 months now, and we still haven't nailed the whole "put her down for sleep while she is still awake" thing. I usually rock her to sleep and sometimes hold through her whole nap. I know I shouldn't but I just can't help it. However lately it has been difficult to keep her asleep. Ellie hasn't mastered putting herself back to sleep without our help. So yesterday Erik and I decided to try to let Ellie put herself to sleep. I read it is crucial for Ellie to have a bedtime routine. We kind of had one, but lets be honest...it was more up to however Ellie felt that day.

Okay so back to yesterday...Around 8pm Erik and I gave Ellie her bath, then fed her the last feeding of the night, swaddled her, and sang her a song. She was looking sleepy and rubbing her precious eyes with her tiny hands...and we knew it was time. We each kissed her good night and then laid her down in her bassinet. Immediately Ellie began to fuss. She was kicking (luckily she was wrapped nice and tight), and yelling, and whimpering. For some reason (I'm going to blame my hormones which are not quite back to normal yet) I began to cry. All I wanted to do was pick up my little girl and hold her tight until she fell asleep. Erik had me wait on our bed for a few min till she calmed down. He even turned on quiet worship music to soothe her. Finally after what seemed like forever (Erik claims it was only 3 minutes)she fell fast asleep. I was a wreck. It took me several minutes, a few hugs from Erik, and 2 pieces of chocolate to pull myself together.
"Why can't she sleep with me for a year or two?" I asked Erik while munching on my theraputic chocolate
"Because she will be 45 still sleeping in bed with us." With that vision in my head I became determined to figure this sleep thing out.

Even though I had a small victory today (I put Ellie down for her nap before she fell asleep and she put herself right to sleep!),I still am not looking forward to bed time tonight. Wish me luck.

I miss my ex boyfriend

It's true I miss my ex...his name was Boppy, Boppy the Body Pillow. He has been my close companion since I was about 4 months pregnant. I met him at Babies R Us in Colorado. He was covered in blue birds and was about 5ft long, and I knew immediately he was the one. I had a few friends who had Boppies of their own and they loved them. So I went out in search of my own.

And before you judge me too harshly my husband,Erik, does know about Boppy. The three of us slept in the same bed every night for 5 months. Usually Boppy was snuggled up in between Erik and I. Erik never liked Boppy. But was Boppy was always nice and respectful to Erik. If Erik wanted to snuggle without Boppy, Boppy didn't mind giving us some room.

Boppy was really great for my back support and he really helped keep my hip pain at a minimum while pregnant. Boppy came with me everywhere...in bed, long car rides, on the couch, on the airplane, and even on our cruise. Yes, Boppy has been with me through so much, but after I had Ellie, I decided it was time for our relationship to end. So sadly I packed Boppy up and put him the in the attic until I needed him again. However recently my back and hips have been hurting again, and I find myself reminiscing of the good times we shared. Boppy was just always there for me and always made me feel better. I just really miss him lately, and I am seriously considering getting back together with him. Erik isn't too happy about my dependence on Boppy, but he doesn't understand our deep relationship. I just need Erik to understand that I love Boppy and just can't let him go...
I think its time for me to find Boppy and see if he'll take me back

TO BE CONTINUED

Two Babies

This past week the unthinkable happened...my husband got sick! Erik NEVER gets sick. Seriously I think I've only ever heard him sneeze twice. It's not because Erik takes his vitamins or eats healthy,nope, it's because he has some sort of Viking Super Immune System (Erik is Norwegian, and feels this is why he is sooo healthy). So you can imagine my surprise when, The Viking (as my Dad affectionately calls him) said his stomach hurt.

It was about 3am when we both thought he just had bad indigestion...so I was a tad annoyed when he woke me up for this. However as 4am rolled around he got progressively worse. He was throwing up and was in a lot pain. I rushed to the nearest 24-hour Walgreens and spoke with the pharmacist. She said it sounded like an ulcer and suggested Pepcid AC and Prilosec. We tried both and they didn't work. Erik's pain got worse and he had a fever. So, now I'm trying solve the mystery of Erik's illness and do my usual routine with Ellie. She's crying, Erik's whining, and I'm running around playing Dr. Mom.

Around 3pm Erik's fever and pain got really bad and I decided to call the doctor. The doctor said it sounded like potential appendicitis and I needed to get Erik to the hospital ASAP. Immediately I panicked. What if I had waited too long to call the doctor and now Erik was in danger? Quickly, I called my sister and asked her to come and take Ellie (luckily we live in the same building...super convenient!), packed a bag for Ellie, packed a few things for Erik in case he needed to stay over night, and we were off. Every bump I went over hurt Erik even more, it was awful.

Finally once we got into the E.R (after waiting nearly 2 hours in the waiting room), the doctors started running tests on Erik. Luckily we found out it wasn't appendicitis. But they couldn't decided between an ulcer and the flu. After 6 hours of playing a guessing game, they sent us home with a few prescriptions for an ulcer and told us to follow up with Erik's doctor. Once we picked up Erik's prescriptions and picked up Ellie, Dr. Mom was back in the house. I went back to running back and forth between my two babies. Erik's fever was up and down all night and I made sure I was right there with Tylenol. Finally around 6am Erik's fever went away, and he seemed to be better. We spent the whole day testing Erik's stomach with bland foods, and he was right as rain by that evening. So, we're pretty certain he had the flu. Irregardless of what it is was, it was stressful! I now officially know I'm not even close to ready to thinking about having another child (although I kind of knew that the moment I went into labor) because I already have two at home :)

Baby Fat and shots

So I am trying to lose all the baby weight. So far I have lost about 35lbs, but I still would like to lose 10-15lbs more. I have always been pretty small, and I kind of miss it. I can definetly tell I have lost weight, but there are several parts of my body that have not given up the baby fat yet. Erik of course says I look great, but I don't think he understands I would like to be close to my weight pre-baby. I have never had to diet really, or exercise that much, so this is new to me.

I am right now doing the "Naturally Thin" diet. Its not really a diet as much as it is a way of life. The author challenges you to change the way you think about food. She talks a lot about balancing yourself out with food. So if you have a craving for a burger, have half of it and fill up on vegitables. Or if you pasta for lunch have a protein and veggie dinner. Basically have the ideal diet. I'm truly not sure if I can be this good with my diet, but I'm trying. Often times Ellie keeps me so busy I barely have time to eat. So a lot of times I just put whatever in my mouth to keep my going. I am going to change this...I just have to.


In other news, the other day Ellie had 5 shots given to her. It was awful! She was screaming and crying. Then when we got home she didnt want to eat, she was throwing up, and crying so loudly I was sure the neighbors thought we were hurting her. We called the doctor and they reminded us that some kids respond poorly to shots...they just stress themselves out and don't feel very well. It was seriously the hardest day we have had with Ellie since she was born(her birthday was by far my hardest day of life. She went to bed 3 hours early and slept 12 hours. It was horrible. However the next day she was back to beautiful smiling self!Thank God! I am not looking forward to anymore shot days...I don't know if my heart can take it.

A Peaceful Night's Sleep

I don't want to jinx myself,but Eliana slept through the night...twice!

The first night, Erik woke me up around 4am...worried. He said, "Babe, Ellie woke up and I re-swaddled her, and she went back to sleep..." First of all, why was he waking me up at 4am, and wasn't it a good thing that she went back to sleep? Since we had Ellie, she always woke up at 4am for a feeding. Not matter what time we put her down and no matter when her last feeding was, she always needed a 4am feeding. Recently, Erik and I read that we should try re-swaddling her first and comforting her, and if that doesn't work, then we feed her. So for weeks now, we had been trying this, but she always needed a feeding. However on Sunday night, re-swaddling her actually worked! So as my husband is staring at me at 4am, these thoughts came flooding back to me, and I jumped up out of bed and ran over to her bassinet. She was fast asleep! Erik and I went back to sleep and Ellie didn't wake up until 6:30am(her usual wake up time). We just couldn't believe it.

Monday night, we were so excited to get a full night's sleep, no such luck. Eliana woke up at 4am for a feeding. We were a little disappointed. However, last night she slept through the night again...she didn't even need to be re-swaddled! Ellie slept until 6:45 this morning. And for the first time in a long time, I feel like I actually got some sleep.
I just asked Ellie if we could make it a third night of sleeping through the night, she simply smiled then spit up. Is that a yes?

Video

Before Eliana was born, Erik and I invested in a video camera. We knew that we would obsessively take videos of her every move. Pretty much we have videos of Ellie just staring at nothing, and videos of her holding her head up. However, we lost the USB cord. Therefore we cannot upload videos on to the computer. So, when my sister emailed me a video of Ellie that she took on her iphone, I was excited! Here is the video of Ellie and her uncle doing a sort of interview...

Teething

Believe it or not our sweet little girl is getting teeth. My mother made the discovery a few days ago. Ellie had been drooling more and chewing on everything that comes to her mouth. So one day when Ellie yawned, my looked and saw two white lumps in her gums! I couldnt believe it. Even now, a week later they are more prominent. Erik and I discovered 2 other teeth coming as well! Ellie has definetly not been a happy camper! But she isn't super interested in teething rings. However she does like the cold teething rings. And Orajel just made her cry. Eventually she looked entertained about her mouth being so numb. We can't believe she is teething sooo early! I'm hoping, however that her teeth take their time to come to the surface. I'm not ready for a teething baby yet!

I couldnt get a good picture of Ellie's teeth so I found one on the internet that somewhat looks like her mouth...

Frustrated

Ellie is getting her rash back. The good fortune is going away. I thought that the formula was working. But now, I'm not sure if that was the problem. Erik and I are just frustrated because we just want her to get better. Its so hard to see your little girl suffer. A friend of mine gave me the name of a pediatric allergist, that is supposed to be amazing. So today I am going to call her and try to get an appointment. More details coming soon...

Pictures from today

Thought I'd post some pics from today with our sweet baby!

A Mother's Instincts

So to be totally honest I am not really the maternal type. I'm not really a nurturer and I'm usually okay with that. I mean I always felt like some women had it and some didn't. While I was pregnant everyone kept telling me that I was going to have "Mommy Instincts" as soon as Eliana was born. I would nod my head knowing that wasn't going to happen. I thought to myself, "Erik is going to have more instincts than me." At any rate, I didn't really buy in to any of it until these past few weeks.

As stated in my previous entry, Eliana has eczema. The first doctor we went to said it was just acne. I knew this couldn't be true. I have had enough acne to be on a Proactive commercial! I know what acne looks like, and this was obviously a rash. It first started on her cheek and eventually spread all over her body. Some places were worse than others. The rash was obviously not getting better, so we got a second opinion. This doctor said she had eczema but just to change the soaps that we're using and to lotion her better. This solution didn't sit well with me. I mean, really that's it? So I did some research on my own and read more about infant eczema...and come to find out there is usually a source. Immediately I thought that maybe it was her formula. In more recent times, it is quite common for babies to have formula allergies. They now make hypoallergenic formula and soy based formulas. I did some more reading about symptoms of a milk allergy and Ellie didn't really have any except the rash. I mentioned this potential solution to her doctor and he shook his head and ignored me. I just kept feeling so unsettled. I prayed for God to give me peace if I should just let this go and trust the doctors instead of myself. I got no peace just more anxiety. Eliana started getting really fussy every day, her rash got worse, she wasn't eating well, and she was vomiting often. We were all miserable.

Finally about 2 days ago, I decided to trust my "Mommy Instincts" and buy her some hypoallergenic formula. Within the first few feedings we were already seeing a difference. Eliana was back to her happy self! The rash on her face immediately began to clear up, and the rash on her body was losing its redness. I was so happy, I just couldn't believe it! My instincts were right!

Now its been about 48 hours on the new formula and all things seem to be much better. Ellie is still a happy camper, and her rash is going away. There is still quite a bit on her chest, but its looking better. I'm still uncertain that the decision I made was right. I mean its kind of strange being right and a doctor being wrong.

Moral of the story...I do have "Mommy Instincts!" and they can be trusted.

And now another bath time story...

This morning while I was changing Ellie's diaper she of course peed all over the new one, and herself, and the changing table. I'm not quite sure how she did this, but I needed to give her a bath anyway. Recently bath time hasn't been bad at all. I can tell she doesn't enjoy them, but she has stopped crying during the bath. So, I was quite confident we would have an uneventful bath time...of course I was wrong.

After I got the water to a good tempature I went to bring her in. As soon as we got into the bathroom, Eliana decided to pee again. She peed all over my shirt, shorts, bare feet, and the bathroom floor. I couldn't help but laugh to keep from crying. It was only 7:30 in the morning and I was already soaked with urine. Eliana sure does know how to keep me on my toes.

Worry Wart

I never understood why my parents were always concerned about me. I mean even as an adult when I visit their house, they like me to call when I get home...just to be sure I was murdered on the way home. I usually get annoyed and roll my eyes. I mean I am an adult and they are always worried about what I'm doing. I couldn't stand that...until Eliana.

Now having Eliana, I worry constantly. I mean I sometimes even cry if she is crying. I know I know...I'm going to have to get over that. I know that I can't protect her from everything but I really really want to.

This week Eliana broke out in a rash. She was rubbing her face on everything to soothe her itchy skin. It began on her face and then spread quickly to the rest of her body. I was a mess. I mean I cried multiple times, mostly because I felt so helpless. I called her pediatrician and they told me to come in. Before Ellie and I went to the doctor, Erik said he thought it looked like eczema. I immediately felt worse. Partly because I knew that he was right (before Ellie was born I read that she may have eczema because Erik has it, and because I have asthma and hay fever), and partly because I knew how awful eczema could be. I didn't want her to suffer with this for the rest of her life. I was praying the whole way to doctor's office that it wasn't eczema...of course it was. So now Ellie is on a different skincare regimen than before. Hopefully things will get better.

I'm still worried about her, because I love her so much. She is trusting me to take care of her, she is depending on me,and it just hurts when things out of my control happen to her. However, I know I need to trust in God. I know that when things seem out of control and crazy, He is in control. I just need to have faith. I'm going to need a lot of prayer to stop me from being a worry wart.

Bodily Fluids

I have never in my life had so much experience with someone else's bodily fluids. I mean I was aware that there would be diaper changes which leads to lots of poop, and I knew there was going to be tons of spit up and drool...however I didn't realize the extent of the issue, and I didn't realize it was going to end up all over me.

Little Ellie spits up more than I could ever imagine. I mean everything in our apartment is covered or has been covered in baby vomit. Even as I am writing this (during a 2 am feeding) she has spit up all over her burp cloth and me... and then just smiled. I can never get too annoyed when she smiles. A few weeks ago Erik and I had just finished a feeding and decided to put her in her swing. Eliana loves to swing! It vibrates, swings, and plays music; what's not to love? Anyway, there we were a happy family,Eliana swinging and Erik and I (feeling pretty proud of how quiet she was being) watching t.v, when all of a sudden vomit! I am not going to candy-coat it and call it spit up because she projectile vomited...twice! She of course aimed for the couch leg...yum. We were so shocked, we just sat there for a while staring at Senorita Pukes-A-Lot.

I know no one wants to hear about Eliana's poop and pee so I'll keep it brief. There's a lot of it. And somehow she gets it all over me. I cannot begin to explain the amount of outfits she has pooped through and peed through. Eliana's first bath was because of her bodily fluids. It was only a few days after she was born and Erik and I had just put Eliana down for bed when we smelled poop. It was Erik's turn to change her diaper. All of sudden I hear, " Oh man!" I got up, shuffled over to the changing table and was taken aback by all the poop! It was everywhere: through her jammies, up her back, through the diaper, in the bassinet, and on her leg. Quickly we decided it was time for her first bath. Excitedly, Erik helped me pick a good temperature and get her bath things together. We didn't want to miss this momentous occasion, so Erik brought along the video camera. Before we could begin recording, Ellie immediately started screaming bloody murder! We both started to panick and had to move fast. Eliana thought this would be a good time to pee in the bath, so I had to pour out the water and get new pee-less water. After we finished this painful bath, she spit up all over Erik while he was trying to dry her. When we finally got her dressed and back in bed, all three of us were traumatized by the experience. We avoided giving her another bath for few days after that.

Needless to say, through all the poop and puke, she is still an awesome kid. And I am storing up these stories to embarrass her with in the future.

A Month Ago Today...

I can't believe that it has already been a month! Not to sound cliche but it feels like yesterday that I was in the worst pain of my life, birthing my beautiful daughter. A month ago today, my life was about to change forever. At the time, I could barely imagine my life with a child. I couldn't imagine my life being any different. And now I am sitting here holding my daughter (yes I am now the queen of multi-tasking) and I can't imagine my life without her. She fits so well with our family. It feels so natural already to have her here. Yes, there has been some adjusting to do, but we're doing it. Its strange how beautifully everything has come together. I am so in love with this little girl. She is amazing and it is so fun to watch her grow and learn already. Motherhood is difficult but the best thing I have ever been apart of. I am so thankful for this gift...Eliana.

A brief summary

Erik and I haven't had Internet for 2 weeks, so I have been storing up stories to write about. Instead of writing individual entries, I thought I would write a few quick short stories in one entry.

1) Had to breastfeed in the grocery store parking lot...not fun

2)Eliana got dedicated to the Lord yesterday! It was awesome and we took a ton of pics.

3) Erik's parent came to visit which was really nice to have some extra help

4) I have officially lost 40lbs in 4 weeks!

5) I had to stop breastfeeding...I wasn't making enough milk, and then my milk starting drying up. So our baby is a formula baby now.

6)Erik and I got a date night this weekend. It was amazing and so nice to reconnect with my husband. I love love love him!

7) I feel so much joy its crazy. God is truly amazing.

8) We are almost done unpacking, and now we can move on to decorating

9) I have been asked to lead a mom's small group! I'm really excited about it, even though I know nothing about being a mom

10) Eliana spit up on my mouth when I kissed her. I think that was her way of saying she didn't want a kiss...super gross

11) Ellie is a month old this week! Time is flying by and we are enjoying every second of it

12) Eliana smiled at me and here is a pic of it!

Coming up for air

Wow...it has already been almost 2 weeks since little Eliana arrived, and I feel like I am just starting to pull it together. Literally I don't think I've really gotten dressed in the past 3 weeks. I have barely showered, brushed my hair, or seen the sun. I mean my life has been Eliana. I know everyone warned me about this, but I really had no idea. Its really hard to get my own time. I don't actually mind it that much, but I know I probably don't look or smell the best. I can't wait to have more of a schedual.

And now I see why so many women don't breast feed. It is soo good for the baby, but no one else can help. I mean I am literally attached to Ellie because she needs to eat every 2-3 hours. So next week I am going to bust out the ol' breast pump...we'll see how that goes. I'm actually pretty nervous about it. I mean I already feel like a cow, but now I will actually have a machine milking me. Formula is already looking pretty tempting...

Eliana is constantly growing and she makes the cutest faces and sounds. Erik and I just stare at her a lot, which I'm sure makes her wonder if we have anything better that we could do. We love her, and are enjoying watching her grow.

Slowly I am trying to come up for air

"It's a new dawn. it's a new day. its a new life."

Last week our family came to visit, and to be here for the birth of our baby. Immediately I felt a little pressure. All these people were here to see a baby be born. What if she was late? At any rate, I tried to relax and enjoy family time.

Most of the week was spent relaxing and having my husband's family get to know where I come from better, as well our two families getting to know each other. We played video games, had a bbq, went to Navy Pier, and just had a good time. However as time got closer the pressure was on. Everyone spent time trying to find ways to naturally induce me. Keep in mind I was only a day late. But everyone was anxious to meet our little girl, and to be honest so was I. However, I was very nervous about it actually, about the whole labor thing. So part of me didn't really want to go into labor. I didn't know what to expect. I have read several books about the subject, and tried to become as educated as possible about it, but nothing can actually tell you how you as an individual is going to feel in the moment of delivering your child...

It was Monday morning early. All of our family were leaving that day. They were a bit disappointed that they weren't going to get to be the welcoming commitee for our new baby. All night I had felt contractions in my sleep, but nothing serious and I didn't even know how far apart they were. At 2:30am I was awakened by a pretty intense contraction. I was so excited! I woke Erik up and we began to count how often they were happening. We were surprised to find they were 2-3 min apart! We called our midwife and she said that even though they were close together they needed to be at east 1 min long (they were only 30 seconds long). So we waited... My whole family woke up and waited with us. My sister and her husband were here and they were timing the contractions and holding my hand through the pain. Then we called my other sister and she and her husband came over and waited with us. It was a family affair! It was nice to have them there, however my contractions were pretty intense. Only after 2 hours my contractions were a min long but still 2 min apart...and at this point I had thrown up because I was in so much pain. I called the midwife and we were off to the hospital. If I wasn't in so much pain I would've laughed at how crazy my family was being. They were all anxious and scared looking. My dad was creepy quiet...as if he was he one going into labor!

Once we were at the hospital...I kind of blanked out. I was in so much pain and at some point my contractions were only 1 min apart, but my water hadn't even broken yet. Eventually I remember hearing that I was 8 cm dilated, and then my water broke. After that the pain was just down right ridiculous! I didn't get an epidural considering I had said from the beginning that I wanted to go natural. However I did try a warm shower...which worked for two seconds. Then I broke down and tried dilauded. This was like taking 1 Advil for a gunshot wound. So pretty much I was on my own. After what seemed like years of pain, I was finally dilated fully and was ready to push. Literally I have NEVER been so excited to do something! I mean I think I actually smiled when it was time to push. And after 30 min she was out! However she had some meconium in her lungs. So frightening not to hear your baby cry. The midwife had a whole team of doctors working on my baby. They didn't want her to take her first breath right away in case she swallowed more. I don't exactly know how long it took for them to get it all out, but it felt like forever before I finally heard her cry. And as soon as she did, I started to cry. I just remember being so relieved that she was out, safe, and beautiful! They put her on me and there was an instant connection. Erik and just sat there looking at our little girl, and the whole world stopped.
Even now thinking back I get a little emotional, cause she was just perfect and I couldn't possibly have predicted I would be this in love.
I am truly thankful for my little girl, Eliana Rose.

A new home

We move into our new apartment in a week. I could not be more excited and nervous. So far I haven't had too many nesting cravings, however now that I know where we're going to live, I dream about cleaning and decorating. While Erik is dreaming about being a spy or flying, I am dreaming about picking out paint colors. Its soo strange. I am really excited to make a place for our new family. We have no furniture however, so I have been looking for things that are our style. I am also very excited to start fresh and pick out new things. We have a couch and dining room table. However we need to pick out a bed/dresser. At any rate, all this means is we get to take a much needed trip to Ikea.

I love Ikea, I could live in Ikea. Erik doesn't like it because its a little stressful with all those people and all those options. We usually get into several spats about colors and style. I thought that I had married a man who didn't care about what our place looks like....no such luck. Erik very much has his own taste and style and what he thinks our place should look like.

As soon as we get the keys, I am going to start nesting, and hopefully that will mean the decorating dreams will stop.

zzzzzzz....

And just to add to how beautiful I already feel, I offically snore. Yes, dainty Vannae snores like a truck driver. Apparently it was soo bad that Erik had to sleep on the couch! I am like Ms. Piggy. He said he tried moving me but nothing worked. Sigh...this pregnancy thing is getting more and more fun.
Baby, you have 1 week missy!

Apartment

Drum roll please....


We found an apartment! We have literally been at this whole apartment hunt for 2 months now...and finally we found one. We have looked all over Illinois...literally and found an apartment in my hometown. It was right under our noses the whole time. We are so excited!

Its about a block away from the lake, so we can go the beach whenever. My baby will for sure be a water baby! Its a one bedroom but it has a nice size bedroom (bigger than the one we are in right now), a huge kitchen, and a living room/dinning room area. We are pretty pumped. We wanted to stay close because we are getting more and more active in a church here, and now we don't have to commute a million miles to get to church! I really hope this is where we are supposed to be, because I don't think I can bring myself to look at another apartment!

Our next big thing to figure out...a car...oh Lord give me strength!

That is it!

WARNING: The following is going to be very negative

I am huge! I mean not just pregnant huge...but I think I'm getting my own gravitational pull! I officially cannot fit my maternity clothes or for that matter Erik's clothes either. I am tired of constantly expanding! I know this is very vain....and I am excited that the baby is constantly growing as well. I'm sure this is just my hormones talking but I feel like I'm the size of a house. I probably wouldn't feel so bad if I had more clothes!
Right now I can fit the following:
3 tee shirts
1 tank top
1 pair of jeans
1 cardigan
1 sun dress
1 skirt

Right now Erik and our baby own far more summer clothes than I do! I hate it!
Really really tired of being pregnant

Baby Shower Numero Tres

One of the benefits of having three families (my family/friends, my church family, and my Colorado family)is having three baby showers! I must admit I am pretty girly, but having so many baby showers was a bit of a challenge for me. I was pretty excited that this Saturday was my last one, and then I could relax.

My mom and sister planned this last shower for me...which means they were stressed. My mom (like my husband) is a perfectionist. She is also, what I like to call, "Ms. Manners". I mean she should seriously start an etiquette school. I know you're thinking, "But Vannae didn't your mom teach you any manners?" And I would like to say I have worked hard at erasing some of my mom's manners that are ingrained in me. I try my hardest to be relaxed about things...however once in a while I hear mom's voice, and I tend to become Mrs. Cleaver myself. At any rate, it was nice that I didn't really have to plan this shower. However, I had to put up with my mom and sister acting insane about this shower.(There was even an arguement about Pepsi vs. Coke) They were so concerned about things that didn't matter. If it was up to me, we would've just had some pizzas and beer (juice for me). My mom doesn't feel this way. So after a stressful month of planning this shower, Saturday was time to see all their hard work pay off.

I am happy to report that everyone had a great time. There were maybe about 24 women there (everyone minus 2 women have known me since I was born.) There was good food, fun games, good conversation, and awesome gifts. It was truly a blast! So even though I think mom and sister can be a little anal...the party was amazing and a good way to end my pregnancy. I am officially 9 months preggers (37 weeks) and ready to be done. The baby shower was the last time I'll probably see all those people before the baby gets here.

Even though it was fun...I still need a day to recover from all that socializing. I tried to relax today but I had to go to a church picnic. So tomorrow I plan on not moving from the couch and taking at least two naps....ahhhh how sweet it is to be pregnant : )

Highlights

Here are few hightlights of the past few days:

1) I am 85% effaced...which means this is the beginning of the end. Although it could still be a while till the actual labor. Im still pretty jazzed about it.

2) I offically start seeing my midwife weekly until I deliever. Which is exciting because I love my midwife and it will be nice to get a weekly update about our baby.

3) My parent's house has been having plumbing problems for as long as I can remember. No one could really find the source until yesterday. It turns out that back in my adventuourous toddlers days I flushed an entire towel down the toliet (I used to love flushing everything down that mysterious hole. One time I flushed a lotion bottle down the toliet...it didn't go very far, but still fun)! The plummer found it...and removed it and BAM! no more plumbing problems. Sorry Mom and Dad!

4)We are preparing for my third and final baby shower Saturday. If I never see "Its a girl!" balloons and eat baby themed food again, it will be soon. I'm excited for this one though cause its all my friends and family...so it should be fun.

5) The baby is facing the wrong way. She is heads down, but facing the wrong way.So I really need her to turn around. The midwife says she still has a few weeks to turn around...but to do certain exercises to help her along. Plus I tell her all the time to turn around...so hopefully she will not start a rebellion and she'll do what I told her to.

6) I have offically washed all her clothes and put them in drawers, Erik is putting up the bassinet, and I have packed my hospital bag. We are getting things done and almost ready for her arrival.

7) I could not be more ready to have this baby!

I'm an idiot...no really

Last week I kept having a craving...a craving to go to the zoo. While I realize this isn't the same thing as craving chocolate, the craving was just as strong. I bothered Erik all week about seeing the new bear exhibit at Brookfield Zoo. He kept saying that he didn't think it was a good idea...you know because of my tendency to pass out. At any rate, I pleaded enough and on Sunday Erik, my sister, my brother-in-law, and I were on our way!

Before we left I had packed a day pack with entirely too many things. I made sure I had every type of medication 4 people could need: benadryl, claritin, imodium, tums, both of my inhalers, and lactaid. I also packed crackers, water, granola bars, and the GPS. I was ready.

When we got to the zoo, I was expecting it to be 77 degrees (based on weatherchannel.com), however when we got out of the car it was at least 100 degrees! Not to mention the fact that we parked as far away as possible. When I looked down the rows and rows of cars, I barely could even see the entrance to the zoo. I was already getting too hot, but I was determined to see a grizzly. So off we went.

We started our journey off by buying 4 cherry icees. I thought this would help as we walked through the sun. The icee was a good idea because we still had to walk through a long tunnel just to get to the ticket holder/entrance. Seriously, I'm not sure why they want to tire you out soo much before you ever get there. After what seemed like an eternity we made it to the entrance. Of course the bear exhibit was on the other side of the park. But I didn't care how hot and tired I was, I was going to see the polar bears.

On our way to the see the bears, we stopped and saw camels, the Australia House, the African House, the turtles, and the zebras. I had to stop a few times, but we kept going in and out of the air conditioned buildings, so I thought I was okay.

Finally we entered the bear exhibit. To get there you had to walk through a long tunnel and then it opened out into a big square and passed that was the building where they kept the different types of bears. As we were walking through the extremely long tunnel, I couldn't catch my breath. I was soo hot and no matter how much water I was drinking I just didn't feel good. However I was momentarily distracted by the big bison we passed on our way into the Bear Park. It was huge! I had no idea they were so big...anyway back to my dramatic story.

So we go into the bear park and I immediately knew I had to sit down. I was starting to have a contraction. No, not the lame little cramps I usually have, but a full on intense cramping/sharp pain in my back and lower abdomen. And simultaneously I was nauseous and I thought I was going go faint! Quickly I laid down on the nearest bench and Erik ran to get me something cold to drink. While I'm waiting for Erik everyone and their mother was staring at me. I know that every time I see a pregnant woman laying on a bench in pain I stare...but jeez! I was not apart of the zoo exhibit. At any rate next thing I know (against my protests)Erik had someone call the zoo paramedics. So embarrassing! I was already starting to feel better when a family of 5 decided that I was far more interesting than the bears, and they pretty much parked themselves in front of me and just stared at me. They stayed right there when the paramedics showed up. I had to beg the paramedics not to take me in the ambulance. I told them I was feeling much better, and they gave me a bunch of cold packs and asked me a few questions. I was a little distracted by the fan club family, so I just looked at them and said "Hey! Why are you staring at me? I am not apart of the zoo!" They all looked so shocked and immediately stopped looking, but they didn't walk away. The paramedics haled a golf cart for us, and had us driven to our car. Now that I think about it, I wish we could have had that the whole time. Just to show how far away we were from the car...it took us 10 min by golf cart...imagine walking.

So, I never got to see the bears. I mean, I really wanted to see them, and I was so close...and nothing! We just ended up getting lunch and going home. To make me feel better I watched Animal Planet.

Waiting...

I literally contantly think I am about to go into labor. Granted I am only 35 weeks...every little thing makes me stop and say "is this it?" I feel pressure in my stomach, and I started thinking "this is it! this is it!...oh wait that's just gas"

Today I was brushing my teeth and the baby started kickin a lot and I started getting braxton hicks with cramps. These were a little more painful than usual. So I started getting nervous and sat down and started getting mentally ready...yeah I know, a little dramatic. I have been having more/powerful braxton hicks, cramps, and back pain. I am beyond anxious already. The baby is pretty low (says the doctor) so I am ALWAYS thinking about that. Seriously this is torture! Is it time yet? Baby just let me know when you're ready...I'm ready when you are

The past few weeks

I have been really behind on writing...it seems I'm not doing much, however I don't feel like I have any time. At any rate, last Sunday our current church community had a baby shower for us. Erik and I are fairly new at this church so I was a tad nervous that no one would come, or that it would be awkward. However we had a fantastic time! They decorated the night before and her were at least 30 people there! They had all kinds of food and gifts. We played games and laughed and prayed together. Even a few of the kids I taught in Sunday school came. They were so cute! They were being my little helpers. They brought the gifts over to me and took all the garbage for me.It was sweet. The best part was that Erik was there. I know that's not traditional and Erik was the only guy...hahaha it was so funny. However I really liked having him there. And it was nice cause some people hadn't met him yet, or didn't know he was my husband. At any rate, we are having a third baby shower in 2 weeks. This one is for my family/ friends. I'm really excited about this one, there are a lot of people I haven't seen in a while. However my mom is basically planning all of this, which means its going to be classier than I would've done it. It's soo funny to watch my mom freak out about things that I could care less about. However, I need to step in once in a while to calm her down.
In other news, Erik has started his new job at the University. Today is his first day of work, and he called me during his lunch break. It sounds like he is enjoying it and he is meeting new people...which is nice. A lot of our school friends moved away, so we don't have that many friends here in Chicago. Hopefully Erik is meeting some more guys to spend time with. Did I mention that this job pays double what he was making at his old job? woo hoo!
The hunt is one for a new apartment. We are having a hard time finding an area we want to be in/one that we can afford. However we are starting to pin point some areas we like.
I realize my blog entries have been a tad boring lately, but I'm not doing much. I promise I will write again when I have a funny story something.

Vannae's Mistakes of the Day

1) Going grocery shopping while pregnant and hungry

2) Eating spicy food, causing horrific heartburn

3) Watching Extreme Home Makeover...cried the entire episode

How low can u go?

Today was my midwife check-up. Lately I have been having cramps in my abdomen and lower back...so this midwife check-up was much anticipated. The baby is fine and healthy. She is measuring exactly where she should be. However she is even lower than she was...she is in my pelvis. This could be the source of my cramps. I'm not dilated or anything (however...her checking if I was, was not my favorite experience). Of course this worried me...how am I supposed to handle labor if I don't like my cervix being check. Sigh...I hope I can do this.

At any rate, I have notice how low she is, and I often find myself wondering, "How low can you go, little one?" I constantly feel like am squishing her when I sit down.Or my pants squish her when they bunch up around my hip. Or I worry when I bend over...if don't squat. I don't want her head to be all squished and weird looking. In these moments she kicks me to remind that she is there, she is very vocal like that. At any rate, I hope she is okay...and when she's ready to come out, believe me I am MORE than ready for her to come out.

Addiction

In the past I have thought that I may have a problem…like if there is some sort of 12 step program, maybe that’s where I should start it. I am obsessed with Twilight. I usually can control myself on a regular day to day basis. I am not constantly thinking about the series. I don’t dream of vampires and werewolves fighting over me. However when the Twilight series is mentioned, shown on TV, or when someone says the name Edward…I lose it!

I never ever watch Oprah anymore. I feel she has gotten a little crazy with some of her shows, but this particular episode that was on the other day, I HAD to watch. Yes, Oprah had the stars of Twilight on her show. As soon as the show started I couldn't’t stop smiling. And if I had been home alone I would've screamed like a 14 year-old girl. In fact, that is what I feel like when I read the books or watch the movies, like I’m in high school again. I feel excited and girlie and super immature.

At any rate, I have always felt a little too crazy about the books. I have fallen in love with Edward and I have felt just like Bella (awkward and out of place), but after watching the people on Oprah, maybe I don’t have as big of a problem as I thought.

There was a fan club called “Twi-Moms”- a group of mom’s over the age of 40 who are more obsessed with Twilight than me! They have movie premiers in their houses. And even have a fake red carpet that they walk down and take pictures with their cardboard cut out of Edward! Yes, these women have officially made me feel normal, well somewhat. There was a sorority at UCLA that also was a huge fan club for Twilight. One of the girls had a comforter with Edward and Bella on it, and she would lay over Bella and pretend Edward was really there….yeah…for real?

At any rate, though I maybe a tad obsessed with Twilight, I guess officially I’m not crazy…well that’s what I’m choosing to believe : )

Highlights

Here are the highlights of the past week:

-Erik got the job at the university...which pays double what he makes now!

-Erik and I officially have a plan on when to move out...and so the apartment hunt begins!

-The baby has moved into the birthing position and has moved down a bit...which means I can finally breathe!

-I have had incredible energy the past 2 days and have gotten a lot done!

-I'm 9 weeks away from my due date!

Life is good

Sunday School

So even though I'm not really supposed to, I went to church today. It was my first day of being a Sunday school teacher for the 8-11 yr olds. I was actually pretty excited, mostly because I was able to get out of the house. My parents and Erik tried to stop me, but I reminded them that I was not running a marathon...After much debate I put on my Sunday best and escaped to educate the youth about Jesus.

Now I must admit I was a tad bit nervous. I mean I haven't taught Sunday school in years. And I was scared that the kids would give me such a hard time, that I would have to yell...and yelling would lead to breathing issues.

At any rate, I walked into class (armed with treats) expecting a nice class. Yeah, pregnancy must be making me delusional. When I walked in the kids immediately started asking me if I was going to have the baby right then and there. I said not if they don’t stress me out. This lead into a discussion about where babies come from…I was so not prepared to have that conversation. So I tried to get onto a different topic.

Eventually everyone settled down and I introduced myself and ask them their names. It was nice because the kids seemed to like me right away and wanted to show me the ropes. One child, Leah, took it upon herself to tell me about each child in the class and if they were troublemakers. Little did I know that she was going to be my main problem…

This week’s lesson was about the first four commandments. We read a few verses and talked about practical life application of these commandments, all without too much trouble. We had a Bible memory verse and that was around the time everything fell apart. Most of the kids memorized the verse right away and were very proud to recite it to me. However there were a few kids who took a little longer than others. This made the kids who had already memorized the verse angry and they began to chastise the kids. They were calling them slow and were yelling at them. So of course I stepped in and told everyone to be quiet and tried to give the kids a chance to say the verse. Eventually the children all memorized and we had time to play games. I decided to pull out an old favorite…Heads Up 7up. Some kids played that with me while the others played air hockey. Next thing I knew kids were fighting about who got to play air hockey next. The littlest girl, Leah, ended up pushing a boy because he was in her way. He fell to the floor. The kids playing Heads Up 7Up were arguing about who’s turn it was to be the thumb pusher. It was chaos. I was told that the rule of Sunday school was that if I have to say someone’s name 3 times they get taken back to the sanctuary to their parents. If I had actually followed this rule there wouldn’t have been any kids left. Here is a list of the children who got sent back to their parents and their offenses:

Leah (age 8): Pushing a boy down, harassing the other kids, talking out of turn, and drawing on the board without permission

Sebastian (age 9): Diving on top of the air hockey table, wandering around while I was talking, yelling at the other kids, and hitting a boy with his jacket.

Basically after this experience I got a little panicky about having a kid. I mean, I forgot how energetic and crazy kids can be. Also I think one of the little boys had a crush on me….it was cute, he even lied about his age so he could be old enough for me. By the end of this day, I was ready to go back to bed rest (its much more peaceful here in the silence of the living room).
I have to teach Sunday school again in 2 weeks….I am going to need a lot of grace and prayer

ER Visit

All my life I have had asthma. It was worse when I was a little girl. I can remember my parents taking me, in my footy pajamas, to the ER late at night for nebulizer treatments. However, as I grew older it seemed that I had grown out of it. About 2 years ago, I started having asthma attacks, but nothing too serious. Then about 2 months ago my asthma reached a new peak. I mean I figured it would get worse with pregnancy, but not this bad. Everyday I have been experiencing at least one asthma attack or shortness of breath. I have been feeling light-headed, dizzy, and I have been feeling like all the blood in my body rushes to my head. I haven't been super concerned, because I know that as the baby gets bigger, shortness of breath is common. I mentioned how I was feeling a few times to my midwife, but she kept telling me to take my inhaler when need be...This brings us to this past Thursday.

Erik and I had just gotten back from a short get-away house sitting for sister. It was a very relaxing few days. We haven't been alone since we moved back to Chicago, so this was a real treat. We watched movies, went out to dinner, and got to talk. I mean, I don't think we have talked and laughed like that in quite a while.

Anyway, Thursday we arrived back to my parents house, and I had to quickly leave and go pick up my sister and brother-in-law from the airport. My mom decided to come with me because after we picked them up, we were going to go shopping. At any rate, we were only about 1 block in to our journey, when the familiar feelings of asthma began to creep up. I felt short of breath, dizzy, and my face felt really hot. I was driving, and we came to a stop light. I asked my mom to do a Chinese fire drill with me. (for those of you who don't know what a Chinese fire drill is exactly....its basically when you get to a red light everyone gets out of the car and changes seats, before the light turns green). So quickly we get out of the car, and as I'm rounding the back of the car I start to see black spots and then next thing I know I hear my mom yelling my name, and I hear others voices that I don't recognize. To be totally honest, I thought that I was still walking around the corner to get into the passenger seat. This was not true....Apparently I collapsed and my mom caught me as I was going down. People in their cars came to help and 4 people called 911. Slowly I opened my eyes, and saw my mom and she was talking to the man next to her,
"She's 7 months pregnant! Vannae! Vannae! Keep breathing sweety!" I closed my eyes again, and felt people picking me up and putting me in the car...my original destination. Next thing I know I hear the sirens and the paramedics were asking me if I could walk to the stretcher. Slowly, I made my way (with the help of 2 paramedics) to the stretcher and got loaded into the ambulance. I still wasn't breathing very well, so they gave me oxygen. Very quickly the paramedics began asking me a million questions, and simultaneously the other paramedic was hooking me up to the IV and checking my blood pressure. I was so disoriented that I hardly noticed. Then I heard my mom's voice again, and heard her say "Erik said stay calm Vannae, you'll be alright." Then I think I finally realized what was going on. I started to cry and shake, and then I heard the paramedic tell my mom to meet us at the hospital. I was so worried about the baby. I kept asking if my baby was okay. They paramedic kept telling me that everything was going to be fine. I was starting to get panicky and then as if the baby read my mind, I felt her kick, and kick, and kick! Hooray! I was so relieved that I believe I actually smiled a little.

When we got to the hospital the doctors immediately started putting EKG stickers on me, and asking me a million questions. I still wasn't breathing very well, so they started me on a nebulizer treatment. I was really anxious and kept asking where my mom was. Finally after what seemed like forever, my mom and Erik came in. It was nice to see them. My mom was crying a little bit and Erik had "the worried" face on. I reassured them that I was going to be okay. The doctors started taking blood from finger and my arm. Any fear of needles that I once had, has officially gone out of the window after this day...Eventually they brought me up to Labor and Delivery, so they could finally monitor the baby. The baby was fine, had a strong heart beat, she was kicking and moving around. That made me relax finally. But they still wanted to monitor her for at least another hour. Then the pulmonologist came in and started running breathing tests on me. They found out that I have a murmur, which they said they weren't concerned with. They said that they would come back after they got more results back. So in the mean time, my sister (remember I was supposed to pick her up) took the train to the hospital, and my dad came to see me. Everyone was a little freaked out, but once they saw I was breathing and talking again, they seemed to calm down. However everyone was staring at me and every 5 seconds someone would ask if I was okay...so I sent my sister and brother-in-law to get food, made parents go home, and made Erik take a nap. So, I finally got some piece and quiet,and I just listened to the baby's heartbeat for a while. Finally after what seemed liked eternity, the pulmonologist came in and told me what was going on.

He said that yes, my asthma is a huge problem, but on top of that the baby is squishing my lungs. While this is normal for pregnancy, its worse for me because I'm already not breathing well, because of the asthma. So they said that I am taking 4 times as many breaths as a non-pregnant non-asthmatic person. Basically I collapsed because I'm not getting enough oxygen to my brain. They gave me a stronger inhaler, and gave me some tips on how to stop the process of passing out. They also told me not to exert energy. I need to really focus on just breathing. I should pretty much do only low impact activities. However I should be careful about being outside, because of my allergies. So I'm pretty much on house arrest. That is why I had time to even write this long post

"The Aftermath"
So since my dramatic ordeal at the hospital, I have still had trouble breathing. I have almost passed out a few times, but my wonderful family (and the doctors tips) have helped Today I didn't feel very well, but toward the end of the evening I was better. Its going to be an interesting few months...

Finish line in sight

I can see it now...the finish line. I am so close. Officially I am in the home stretch...third trimester. I am getting more and more eager about seeing our little girl. I can't wait to hold her and kiss her. Also, let's be honest, I can't wait to have my body back. I mean, I am growing and growing, and I seriously think I run to the bathroom every 20-30 min. Sleep is just a faint memory...how am I supposed to sleep when every 30 min I have to pee. My asthma has been really bad, and I can only hope that it will get better once the baby gets here.

I'm really worried that she is already like me...she kicks and kicks until I feed her (only in the morning). And yesterday her foot was poking out and I pushed it a little and she kicked me really hard...which would be my response. Lets just say she is already sassy like her mama.

There is so much that needs to be done before she gets here. We still have a ton of things to buy, and things are a bit up in the air about where we're going to move. Right now Erik has 3 job opportunities...but all 3 are in completely different cities. For now we are going to stay here at my parents until July (when our little bundle gets here) and hopefully we will know where God wants us to be soon.

marriage

So I never post twice in a day, but I thought I would share this. I was just looking around on the Internet and found a day counter. So I put in my wedding anniversary date to see how long we've been married exactly...here were the results.

2 years 2 months and 4 days

794 days total

68,601,700 seconds

1,143,360 min

19,056 hours

113 weeks

All I can say is it has truly been the best 2 years 2 months and 4 days of my life! Marriage isn't always easy but it's always worth it. I love him more and more everyday, and I am constantly amazed by how patient, loving, kind, and gentle my husband is with me. Maybe marriage isn't for everyone, but it is certainly the best decisions I have ever made. I am so excited to bring this baby into such a loving home, and I pray that one day she will marry a man as incredible and Godly as her father. This is an engagement picture of Erik and I...from 3 years ago...

The Diaper Conversation

So, I have been making a check list of the things that need to get done before the baby arrives. It is a very long list, but slowly we are making progress. One thing on the list that I have been kind of avoiding is diapers. Before this point I had never given much time to thinking about what kind of diapers we would use. In fact, I don't think I ever wanted to think about my child's poopy diapers. Granted, I realize this is a major part of having a baby...so my husband and I finally sat down and talked about diapers.
There are so many choices these days. When I was a baby my parents used cloth diapers and had a service to clean them. Friends of ours have used disposable diapers and said they were expensive but easy. Another couple used gDiapers. They are environmentally safe diapers and they are reusable. They aren't actually that expensive. Here is the lowdown from the website about gDiapers...


" The most eco-friendly diaper available, gDiapers provides parents with a diapering solution that is good for babies, parents and the planet. You can have the flexibility of a disposable diaper with a 100% biodegradable gRefill, or opt for reusability with super soft and trim-fitting gCloth inserts. gDiapers are plastic-free, elemental chlorine free, latex free, and perfume free. Use a biodegradable gRefill or re-usable gCloth inside our newborn tiny gPants and our cotton little gPants. All materials are breathable, just like sports clothing, so babies are far less likely to get diaper rash. And did we mention they're cute? Babies can flaunt their eco-friendly diapers in a rainbow of adorable colors. Because green diapers don't need to be bland. No landfill required.
50 million diapers get tossed each day and each one takes up to 500 years to biodegrade. Ick. Home compost, toss, or flush the biodegradable gRefill for the smallest footprint on earth. gDiapers break down in 50-150 days."

And they are also soo cute. Erik is very environmentally aware (you know being from Colorado and all) so we have decided this is the route we are going. We are both excited, and hoping we are making the right choice.

What...nobody procreates anymore?

So finally my sister and I got some sisterly time on Monday. We both needed some clothes so we went to Woodfield Mall...which is about 30-45 min away. While there are malls closer to us, this mall is different. It is a multi-level mall full of all the stores of your... well at least of my dreams. Anyway, I assumed that this mall would have clothes for both my sister and I. However, no such luck. Apparently the world no longer has need for maternity clothes. This particular super mall originally had 3 or 4 maternity stores in it, however now has none. Zip. Zero. I was so upset. All the stores that I assumed would have a maternity section didn't. Basically no one is making babies anymore. I mean where are all the pregnant women shopping? One woman told me that my best bet would be to buy clothes online. Online?! I don't want to shop online. This is a new body that I have never shopped for before, and I would like to be able to try things on. Besides, it totally takes away the fun part of shopping.
I can just see it now...my sister and I both bring our laptops to the dinning room table and surf the Internet. Then when we wanted each other's opinions, we could just turn our computers around. This would just take all the fun out of shopping...at least for me.
At any rate, I have decided I feel a little discriminated against, I mean excuse me for continuing the human race...geezz! So I have found a few stores around my house, and I have been forced to search online. I will for sure be holding on to my maternity clothes, just in case they completely eliminate maternity stores when we have our next kid.

Bradley Birthing Class

I am officially 6 months pregnant! It's pretty exciting to almost be in my third and final trimester. Seeing as we are coming in on the final inning, we have started taking our child birthing class. We have done a lot of research and have decided to try and go toward natural childbirth, and have also found that the Bradley Method is the best choice for us.

Our first class was last week and we had so much fun. The Bradley Method is a helpful method to help handle the pain of childbearing...drug free. A lot of people don't realize how unsafe drugs are for both mommy and baby. Giving birth (no matter how painful) is natural and society today treats it more as procedure. I am reading a book called Active Birth by Janet Balaskas. I just read about the different types of drugs that are typically used during labor and the effects they can have on mommy and baby. It's truly shocking.

Here is an excerpt about the side effects of an epidural

" The long term effects on the baby's neurological development are relatively unknown and direly under-researched, despite the widespread use of this form of pain relief worldwide. Side effects for mother, such as severe headaches following the birth, can occasionally occur (these are caused by accidental penetration of the membrane surrounding the spinal cord by the injection needle). And epidural certainly increases the need for obstetric intervention. Labor is often much longer...an epidural can contribute to a lessening of the blood supply to and from the uterus, so fetal distress is far more likely...an epidural can also inhibit the mother's ability to push her baby out spontaneously, and, in one way or another,increase the risk of forceps delivery, a vacuum extraction, or a cesarean. If an epidural is done wrong, the mother can become paralyzed permanently"

One thing I am not going to guarentee that its not going to hurt and that I wont desperately want drugs, but I am going to try my hardest to get this baby out safely as possible. Its not about if I'm in pain or not, its about getting our little girl here. So the Bradley Method teaches techniques on how to maintain control in the delivery room, how to have the best birthing experience possible, and it teaches different positions and breathing techniques to help with chld birth. It's all very empowering, and little by little I am beginning to believe that I can do this.

Chicago

Well its official we are in Chicago. It's been a week in The Windy City, and so far so good. It was sad saying goodbye. And it was hard seeing Erik pout a little bit as we pulled out of our Colorado parking lot. However once we were on the road it got better. My sister and her husband came and drove with us. It was fun and loud and I think by the end of the trip Erik felt even more apart of my family.
My parents recieved us with open arms. I'm sure we looked pretty pathetic after driving for 17 hours. After Erik and I slept for 12 hours we got up the next day and started unpacking. Until we find our new place we are stayin with my parents. Its so nice, my parents have made my old room into a new studio apartment for us! It has been nice to have my parents around.
Erik started work again, I have barely seen him in 3 days. He has been working late and I am usually asleep when he gets home. However it sounds like he's having fun. I can't wait to have a date with him.
The baby seems to be kicking more and more these days. I officially have a real belly. I look really weird naked, but everyone keeps telling me I have a glow...I don't see it.
At any rate, we are still getting used to being in the big city. It' still weird being here. There are so many people and so much traffic. It's a little overwhelming. It doesnt feel like home just yet, but we're working on it.

Ode To Erik

I am so bad at writing on this thing...especially lately. I have had a lot things going on, especially with moving. I have forgotten how much I hate moving! It has been especially difficult because of the whole having a baby thing. I am so tired, or my hips hurt, or I don't feel like it.
Thank God Erik has taken two weeks off of work. It has been so nice to have him here. He has been such a blessing, he helps with cooking, cleaning, and packing. And best of all we get to spend time together. We have been watching movies together, cooking together, and just getting a lot of time to talk and catch up. The past few months Erik has been working a lot and it has been really difficult. But now he is home! Erik has totally been my hero. I know that he is going to be a big help once this baby comes. Seriously God, good job on picking out Erik for me, he is amazing!

The Ultrasound

So far pregnancy hasn’t really been my favorite thing I’ve ever done. I constantly have gas, indigestion abdominal cramps, migraines, breast pain, bloating, chronic mood swings, joint pain, severe fatigue, nausea and vomiting, as well as the new realization that I have the smallest bladder on the planet! I mean pretty much any ideas I had of enjoying this are out the window. And as everyone keeps reminding me, pregnancy is the easy part. Up until yesterday every time I heard that I would begin to get nervous. I mean if I can’t handle these symptoms, what kind of mother would I be? I have been going back and forth on this. I am so nervous to be a mom. Its also hard to feel warm and gushy feelings when your baby is constantly making you sick! This is where my mind was at until yesterday…

Yesterday I was feeling severe abdominal cramps and back pain. I tried everything I could to get them to go away, but nothing worked. So I finally called the doctor after-hours hotline, and they told me to go to the hospital. I tried to argue, but it was no use I knew I had to go. I hate going to the hospital ( I know, I know, no one likes going to the hospital). For me, while I’m there I start to feel guilty, like my ailment isn’t that bad compared to a gunshot wound, a woman in labor, a little kid with a fever, or even a broken arm. So basically I kept down playing my pain, Erik read through it, and within 20 min I was on my way to the hospital.

When we arrived the doctor immediately began testing. Quickly the doctor asked if we had ever had an ultrasound. Erik and I exchanged a quick glance, and trying to hide my excitement (I’m supposed to be in pain, remember?) I said no. And we were off to ultrasound! Once the gross cold goop was on my belly, I was immediately captured by the black and white screen on my right. There on the screen, was my little baby. For the first time I got to see the new light of my life. My heart started racing and I was holding my breath as the screen showed the baby’s tiny fingers, tummy, heart, tiny face and legs. I got to see the baby moving around and kicking me (even though I couldn’t feel it). It was by far one of the most exciting moments of my life. The ultrasound tech spoke. Breaking me out of my dreamland, she said, “do you want to know the gender?” For some reason I wasn’t expecting this. I mean we have an appointment for the official ultrasound in 3 weeks. That is when I was prepared to find out…In unison Erik and I both said “YES!!” And the tech moved her magic wand around on my stomach a little bit and said, “Congratulations you’re having a girl!.” A girl!! A girl!! Can you believe it?

And as the tears were streaming down my cheeks, I had a change of heart. I can do this. I can raise this little girl. In that moment, I knew I would do anything for her. I suddenly forgot about how sick I’ve been and just finally thought about our little girl. None of this is about me. Its about her. Its about getting to see her grow up, helping raising a good woman, watching her live out her dreams. Its about being blessed enough to be apart of the journey she’s going to go on. I feel like the luckiest woman in the world. I know that I will have my moments of doubt, sheer terror, and mistakes, but I’m ready. I’m ready for it all…

Babies R Us...

Our time is coming to a close here in Colorado. It’s a bittersweet feeling…I mean on one hand I am so excited to go home and be with my friends and family. I am excited to be back in a place that Erik and I were so happy in. At the same time, I’m not ready to leave yet. This has been such a good growing experience for us. We have truly enjoyed our time here with Erik’s family and friends. So we both are feeling a little sad. However before we go one of Erik’s family friends have offered to throw us a baby shower! I was so elated I immediately started on my registry. When I was imagining what making a registry would be like, I imagined simplicity, cute tiny clothes…kind of a no stress situation. What I got was something completely different.

I realize that babies require a lot of things and I thought I was ready for that but maybe not…In actuality they need more things than I thought. I mean I was looking at things I didn’t even know existed for a baby. At first I tried doing it on my own. I was so overwhelmed by all the choices and all the decisions I needed to make right then. I mean I have never in my life had to have so much conversation about breast feeding. I was talking to the lady in the store, I called my mom and my sister, and finally had to call my best friend (who has a baby of her own and is expecting her second child). I really don’t want to think about breast pads, breast pumps, bottle sizes, etc. Babies R Us is soo overwhelming for a first time mommy. I mean wow…what is all that stuff. I literally needed a tour guide. I mean how do you know if the bottles you picked are the best? How do you for sure that the diaper bag you picked is going to be big enough? How do I know the stroller will be comfortable enough for the baby? And how do I know if I’m just picking out stuff they tell me I need, but actually its just a way for me to spend more money? I have never had to think so much while shopping in my life!

I finally had to give up doing it on my own, and I brought in reinforcements. My best friend came in to save the day. So she went with me through each aisle and explained the thousands of options I had. She was honest about what you use during your baby’s first year and what you don’t. I had a few times of panic but by the end of the day I was actually having fun. I learned so much, it was wonderful. Then I got to go over the list with Erik and share my new knowledge with him. I really like the things I picked out and so does Erik.

And so I’m excited to announce that we officially have a baby registry!

2nd Trimester

I am officially 2 weeks into my second trimester! This was supposed to be a trimester of hope, a trimester of new-found energy, a trimester where I don't want to throw up every time people mention food. However, no such luck thus far. My second trimester feels identical to the first. I am still beyond tired, I constantly feel like I am on a sleeping pill, (Part of me is wondering if Erik is drugging my food : ) ), I still am getting really bad headaches all day everyday, and to make matters worse I have dry mouth like I drank the Sahara Desert.

But even though I still feel like crap, I am finally getting a belly to show for it all! My pants don't fit, and I have a little pooch that sticks out in my shirt. Erik thinks that its super cute, I think it kind of looks like I had a really big meal! But it is sooo exciting to know there is a baby in there and that this week it is the size of a softball! How far our baby has come.

I have officially made the ultrasound appointment. On Feb 19th we will know if we are having a boy or a girl! Most of our friends and family think that we are having a boy. To be honest Erik and I don't care what it is as long as its healthy!

Another up side to this trimester is the cravings have started to set in. This week I have craved and successfully kept down the following: buffalo shrimp (extra hot ), a potato burrito, brownies, spaghetti o's, 1 gallon of lemon aid, a jar of green olives, 4 grape fruit, mint chocolate chip ice cream, and enough grilled cheese to last a life time. Looking at this list is currently making me sick, but at the time each and every item was beyond good!

I still have hope that I will start to feel better soon. Cause at this point I feel like I am sleeping my life away...

We are Flintstones Kids...

In the past month every time I take my prenatal vitamin I throw up. I have asked several people what they did when that happened. Some women told me to take it at night, some in the morning, some with food, some without food, some said to take half in the morning and half and night, and some said they didn't even take prenatal vitamins. I tried EVERYTHING. Usually within 5-10 min of taking my vitamins I would throw up! I mean projectile vomit (I know, really pleasant). Finally I was defeated. I broke down crying one night, because I felt like I wasn't being a good mom. Now I know this sounds a little dramatic...but you know... hormones. Anyway, I felt like right now my one job as a mother is to provide vitamins and healthy foods for my child, and I couldn't even take a vitamin. So I called my older sister and cried to her on the phone. After she picked me up off the ground and stroked my ego a few times, she suggested Flintstones Vitamins!
Ah, Flintstones. Do you remember those? It never really felt like eating a vitamin, it felt like my mom was voluntarily giving me candy...in the MORNING! They were my friends. All the characters were there; Betty, Fred, Wilma, Barney, and who could forget Bam Bam and Pebbles. Yes, when my sister mentioned this, the 5 year old inside of me jumped for joy! However, the mature adult (who comes out on a rare occasion) asked will my baby be getting what it needs? So my sister and I did a lot of research and found that Flintstones are a great vitamin, for all ages. Granted, it doesn't have enough of a few things, it really does cover most of the bases I need.
When I first opened my new bottle of Flintstones Vitamins, I was worried this wouldn't work. I had run out of hope/ideas, I was at a loss. Then I took my first vitamin (I believe it was Wilma) and I waited. 5 min went by...nothing. 10 min went by...still nothing. And after 15 min of not throwing up, I knew I was safe. I had won this battle against morning sickness. I was the victor!
I am now once again proud to say, I am a Flintstones Kid!