Confession: I am totally addicted to holding Ellie, and unfortunately she is addicted to being held. So when it finally came down to being a tad more disciplined with her sleeping habits, I just couldn't do it.
Ellie is almost 4 months now, and we still haven't nailed the whole "put her down for sleep while she is still awake" thing. I usually rock her to sleep and sometimes hold through her whole nap. I know I shouldn't but I just can't help it. However lately it has been difficult to keep her asleep. Ellie hasn't mastered putting herself back to sleep without our help. So yesterday Erik and I decided to try to let Ellie put herself to sleep. I read it is crucial for Ellie to have a bedtime routine. We kind of had one, but lets be honest...it was more up to however Ellie felt that day.
Okay so back to yesterday...Around 8pm Erik and I gave Ellie her bath, then fed her the last feeding of the night, swaddled her, and sang her a song. She was looking sleepy and rubbing her precious eyes with her tiny hands...and we knew it was time. We each kissed her good night and then laid her down in her bassinet. Immediately Ellie began to fuss. She was kicking (luckily she was wrapped nice and tight), and yelling, and whimpering. For some reason (I'm going to blame my hormones which are not quite back to normal yet) I began to cry. All I wanted to do was pick up my little girl and hold her tight until she fell asleep. Erik had me wait on our bed for a few min till she calmed down. He even turned on quiet worship music to soothe her. Finally after what seemed like forever (Erik claims it was only 3 minutes)she fell fast asleep. I was a wreck. It took me several minutes, a few hugs from Erik, and 2 pieces of chocolate to pull myself together.
"Why can't she sleep with me for a year or two?" I asked Erik while munching on my theraputic chocolate
"Because she will be 45 still sleeping in bed with us." With that vision in my head I became determined to figure this sleep thing out.
Even though I had a small victory today (I put Ellie down for her nap before she fell asleep and she put herself right to sleep!),I still am not looking forward to bed time tonight. Wish me luck.